053 - On having a more helpful model of grieving.
Welcome back (or welcome)!
My commitment to you is to provide stories and tools to help you be more comfortable as you help others in hard times. This week, I want to point you to a new video and podcast resource I’ve created and shared. Think of this as a podcast/newsletter crossover episode.
The video and podcast are about 26 minutes. But I think you may find them helpful in understanding what’s going on as we are grieving.
What grieving looks like – The Dual Process Model
We are almost always doing stuff based on what we think is going on.
If we think we are playing soccer, we use our feet and never use our hands. If we think we are baking a cake, we follow steps and seldom add meat. If we are learning something new, we expect to not understand everything all at once, and expect to make mistakes, and expect to change our behaviors and thoughts gradually through repetitions.
Sometimes we can use the word “model” to describe “what we think is going on.” We could also use words like worldviews or perspectives or game or rules or routines.
Sometimes we can use models that aren’t accurate or helpful. They don’t describe what is happening in the real world. Sometimes, using the wrong model can be dangerous.
Meteorologists use models to tell us what clothing we should wear and what groceries to buy. If the model doesn’t take into account the changes in winds, we can wear the wrong clothes, we can be without food.
During the last couple years, I’ve been learning a new model of what may be going on during the process of grieving. This isn’t a brain chemistry model or a stages model. Instead, the Dual Process Model of Coping with Bereavement gives us a way to describe the tasks and stressors in bereavement. (Here are several research articles describing the research developing the model, which is being led by Margaret Strobe and Henk Schut.)
For months now, I’ve been thinking about this model, and it’s been shaping my thinking and writing and talking to people in hard times. But I’ve never had a simple explanation to point to.
So I recorded one. And shared it on the podcast today.
It’s about 26 minutes. It’s my first pass at the presentation.
I’m not applying the model to all situations, to all people, to all losses. Now that you have it, you can help me think those things through.
Thanks for taking the time to learn.
The video: 104 – What grieving looks like – The Dual Process Model
The episode page: 104 - What grieving looks like - The Dual Process Model
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If you’ve missed previous videos, check them out:
101 – Frameworks help more than formulas – An interview with Rob Hatch
103 – What I learned when I asked what grieving people found helpful
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Thanks for stopping by. Next week, I talk about NICU nurses. If you know one, make sure you are here.
Jon.