111 - On difficult moments and seasons.

Welcome back (or welcome!)

My commitment for “Finding Words in Hard Times” is to send you a newsletter with stories and tools to help you be more comfortable as you help others in hard times.

This week? A couple of stories.

Acknowledging that some seasons are hard.

A few weeks back, Kroger sent a note: “Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be sensitive times for some of us. If you’d like to opt out of our emails and push notifications for these holidays, please tap below. You’ll still receive all of our other communications.”

As our daughter Hope wrote when she shared this on Facebook,

“If you are in charge of marketing for an organization or company of any size, please consider joining Kroger in this kind of compassion over the next few months.

It’s difficult to totally opt out of uncomfortable situations, but people will take note when you give them the opportunity”

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Holding babies, holding on.

I stood in a room holding a baby. This baby had been delivered at 32-weeks without ever taking a breath. As chaplains, we offer support and talk about funeral home selection. Sometimes in those moments, I get to hold the baby, say the name, and talk to God.

In those moments, I’m mindful that this may be the only time that someone representing God says the name of this baby, this person, out loud.

There’s usually not a funeral. Sometimes there’s a quiet, tearful, ceremony at graveside. Sometimes there is a container of ashes. And “church” isn’t always great at knowing what to do about grief in general, let alone knowing what to do and say when there is death before breath.

But God’s aware, I am confident, and God’s here.

And I get to be here, too.

On this day, in this room, I said, “God, you know this baby. And as I’m holding this baby, you are holding this life.” And I stopped to catch my breath. Because I hadn’t ever thought about it quite that way.

I don’t know what the interactions of God and people after bodies die looks like. And it is beyond the scope of this writing to explain and explore the options.

But as I think about this room, I think about this:

When Jesus taught his disciples to pray, he said, “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” And then, as he lived out the coming of the kingdom on earth, he held children.

Keep this mom in mind. And moms like her. Maybe moms like you.

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On resetting expectations.

There are myths about grieving. And believing myths can be damaging. I’m reading a lot these days about what’s helpful and not helpful, and I even asked you about what you think.

What’s often most damaging is when our expectations aren’t accurate.

One of the expectations that I have of myself is that I need to maintain daily and weekly publishing commitments here and at 300wordsaday.com. And that I need to be reading and writing and reflecting more deeply about grief. And that I need to do all the other things.

But the expectations are mostly self-imposed. And for this summer, not helpful.

So, I’ll keep writing here, but it may not be every week. Instead, I’ll commit to writing when I have something that will be helpful to you and me.

So, thanks for being here. I’ll see you soon.

Jon