117 - On permission to ask for help.

Sometimes we don't have to be strong.

Welcome back!

I have a short story today. I’m sharing it mostly because the situation has happened twice recently.

But I need you

I was standing in a room with a woman. Her husband had just died. Their son wasn’t in the room, wasn’t at the hospital.

She said, “He said that they had said good-bye. He said that he didn’t need to be here. He said that he didn’t want to remember this part.”

I said, “I understand that. And I don’t want to be rude. But even though his dad doesn’t need him, you could tell him that you need him. That would be okay.”

She looked at me. And smiled a little. And we moved on in our conversation.

I may be getting a little cranky as I age. And I understand the need to protect little kids from seeing some things.

But her son wasn’t a little kid.

I know that relationships are complicated. I also know that sometimes in our grief it’s okay to say, “But I need you.” This may be particularly important in some relationships. As I wrote in This is Hard, “You don’t have to be strong for anyone,” and “You get to be the center of the universe.”

(Notice that I didn’t specify what kinds of relationships. I didn’t want to draw lines that would make you say, “But what about my person?”)

Because this is hard. And you and I want to be helpful.

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See you next time.

Jon