083 - On thinking with fingers

How maybe we learn in the process, not before.

Welcome back (or welcome)!

I’ve been on a break. Our family met up in Germany (where our son lives), I got sick, I’m trying to learn the value of stopping. I’m not good at it. I feel guilty when I take sick time. (Working on it.)

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Walking and talking together.

Years ago, I learned that I discover what I think when I write. Some people learn by talking. Some people talk without learning anything. I start writing and then I begin to understand experiences and feelings and ideas. For me, writing is epistemic, it’s how I come to know.¹ Sometimes, when someone asks me what I think about an event or a decision, I actually say, “Let me write about it.”

What happens as I write, is that I’m forced to put words in front of me. And then I have to interact with those words, to make them clearer, to see what they express. I can’t actually describe what happens, or teach someone how to write to think, but I can give you that glimpse.

As I’m writing this, it makes me think about the ways that we are helpful to people. As we provide support to people in hard times, I wonder if we worry too much about getting it right. As if there is one right way to be helpful.

As if we have to create this a statue of devotion like this one in a church in Strausberg.

What if, instead of knowing the whole plan or the ONE THING, we wade in. As if this is a conversation or an adventure. Or a pilgrimage.

We hug, silently. We send a note. We text. We drop off a meal we know is a favorite. We have a conversation, which tells us something we never knew. We follow up on that conversation later. We rake the leaves. We weed the flower bed.

We enter into life together with this person whose life together with someone else has been disrupted. We embrace the coincidental meetings. And together we help each other.

We’re looking for fixes and formulas, for tips and tricks. There aren’t any. Grief is hard. People need hands and hearts. Yours and mine.

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Having the hard conversations - with your parents.

The other day, I came across this article about helping aging parents. I’m aging. But I’d be comfortable with our kids reading this.

How to talk to your aging parents about end-of-life planning : Life Kit : NPR

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That’s all for now. I’m still getting better. See you next week. Thanks for your support.

Jon

1. I know. If I cared about helping you understand, I’d explain more. I’ll try to find a link sometime.