085 - On writing and stories

Why it can help to make some notes

Welcome back (or welcome)!

“I’m not writing it down to remember it later. I’m writing it down to remember it now.”

I carry a Field Notes notebook in my back pocket all the time. I don’t write in it all the time, but there are moments I need a place to write. Or that Ben needs a place to draw.

That opening quote is a slogan Field Notes uses. It’s one reason that I’m writing you right now about writing and grief and being helpful.

Because writing matters.

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about writing. I told you that I figure out what I think by writing. I also write so that I can hand ideas and tools to other people. “Here, read this,” I say sometimes.

And when I’m asked to do a funeral or memorial service, I start by turning to the book I wrote.

That got me thinking about the ways that writing, in all its forms, can be helpful as we are grieving and helping those in grief.

I started a list of several ways that writing is helpful to us and others. And then I worked and graded this week. So, I’m only giving you one way writing is helpful. I’ll send you more later. But this may be enough for you and me this week. (and if it’s helpful, please share it!)

Write notes.

I get notes from people that tell me stories about their lives and about the way something I said was helpful. It’s encouraging. I have done the same.

You can write actual paper notes. With an address and a stamp. Whether fancy paper, or a page out of a notebook, handwritten or typed, pages or a few lines. It’s a way of saying “At this moment, I’m thinking about you.”

You can also send emails. They aren’t touchable, but they are real and allow for immediate expression and engagement.

Texts aren’t notes, but they are reminders that we know that someone exists. And they can be encouraging. Particularly because we can be timely. An encouraging couple words just before or just after a difficult event, or on an anniversary date.

Postcards still work.

You can leave notes on post-it notes or scraps of paper. On counters. And change the date. (Like I do for Nancy sometimes)

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A couple cautions.

• Don’t do this for the response. You may never hear back. That’s fine. And maybe don’t ask if someone got your note?

• And understand that people respond in different timeframes. Nancy and I check email all the time. Others check once a day or once a week. Some people turn off notifications on their phones.

Today, this week, send someone a note. Not a report, not a request, not a demand. A note.

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Here’s the thing. THIS isn’t a carefully crafted, finely-tuned note. But it’s in your mailbox. And as a result, you may reach out to someone else.

See what a note can do?

See you next week.

Jon