Jon - Telling someone how to grieve has become more problematic, and likely more common, since everyone tells everyone else how to do everything. There is nothing that pushes me to the point of sheer anger (and not in a righteous, productive way at all), than someone who tells someone how to grieve.
I am still trying to figure out my own grieving of the loss of my mom this year. I can’t even read about an expert on the subject without feeling that I am doing something wrong.
There is a no more disheartening feeling than that of feeling like you are doing your lost loved one a disservice through your inability to grieve ‘correctly’.
I'm so sorry. On behalf of the experts, I'm sorry. As someone who works hard to listen to a person and to respond to their own figuring out, and yet often, unknowingly, isn't helpful, I'm sorry.
The other day, a friend was talking about the loss of his dad. Someone's comment started, "I know how you feel. I have this other specific loss." My friend was remarkably gracious. I was hollering at my screen.
We talk at times in business about firing clients. I read today about deleting the people on Facebook who simply aggravate us.
In This is Hard, I wrote about the people who say dumb things:
What can you do?
You can smile and nod. You can avoid those people (at least for now). You can enlist a friend to be with you and protect you. You can excuse yourself to go to the restroom. You can respond with, “I know you mean well, but that’s not how I feel at the moment.”
Jon - Telling someone how to grieve has become more problematic, and likely more common, since everyone tells everyone else how to do everything. There is nothing that pushes me to the point of sheer anger (and not in a righteous, productive way at all), than someone who tells someone how to grieve.
I am still trying to figure out my own grieving of the loss of my mom this year. I can’t even read about an expert on the subject without feeling that I am doing something wrong.
There is a no more disheartening feeling than that of feeling like you are doing your lost loved one a disservice through your inability to grieve ‘correctly’.
Frank-
I'm so sorry. On behalf of the experts, I'm sorry. As someone who works hard to listen to a person and to respond to their own figuring out, and yet often, unknowingly, isn't helpful, I'm sorry.
The other day, a friend was talking about the loss of his dad. Someone's comment started, "I know how you feel. I have this other specific loss." My friend was remarkably gracious. I was hollering at my screen.
We talk at times in business about firing clients. I read today about deleting the people on Facebook who simply aggravate us.
In This is Hard, I wrote about the people who say dumb things:
What can you do?
You can smile and nod. You can avoid those people (at least for now). You can enlist a friend to be with you and protect you. You can excuse yourself to go to the restroom. You can respond with, “I know you mean well, but that’s not how I feel at the moment.”
You can find the people who give you life.
Thanks for writing to us.
Jon.