Nearly 20 years ago I ended up in the hospital for a week with pancreatitis and got my gallbladder removed. Had very few visitors that I remember but a friend of mine came by while I was sleeping and saw me and spoke with my wife. Hearing about this changed my perspective about visiting others in the hospital.
Too often people avoid visiting, or the opposite, they visit and overstay their welcome. I've made it a point to simply show up, access the situation, let the person(s) know I care about them and will pray for them and the medical team's wisdom and then leave. That alone can have an impact.
Like the story of the two friends you shared, I visited an old friend I had not seen in decades. He was at Lutheran and had his leg amputated to save his life due to diabetes complications, etc. It was good to see him and his wife. With social media, we can stay in touch, but taking the time for an in-person visit is beneficial for both the patient and the visitor.
Thanks Scott. As always, I appreciate the way you think of the value of showing up without lingering and of the significance for us as visitors. Thank you.
Any thoughts about what to do if the person you visit is sleeping when you arrive? That has happened on several occasions with friends near death. My mom worked in a senior health community for many years and encouraged me to wake them - that they would be glad to know I am there (as that is what she experienced working with residents in nursing care units.) But that feels disruptive to me. What thoughts do you have on that from your perspective as a chaplain and as a person?
That's such a good question. Because it invites us to think about who the visit is for, the person, the family, myself, some other sense of obligation.
1. As a chaplain, responding to a request for a visit, I will seldom awaken someone because sleep in a hospital is precious. And I know that there are others who can respond to the request later.
2. I am comfortable with sitting quietly in a room with someone in case they awaken. I don't have to have them see me for the visit to "count". Being present, praying, has meaning. And if they surface, you are there. (Though don't be six inches away from their face).
3. As I think about your mom's words, I realize that sleep, or as we say, "resting with eyes closed", for the friends you are talking about isn't like the sleep of a toddler, where if you wake them up they will stay awake for another several hours. In the case of your friends, rousing them will help them surface for a bit, and then they will sleep again.
Unfortunately, I didn't visit. I'll offer myself some grace as I was a teenager, but it still tugs at my heart as the person who was ill was very dear to me. After she relocated to hospice, I didn't visit, and she lived for three more days. As you mentioned, we often create unnecessary worries in our minds. I let MY discomfort grow out of proportion. You have a gift for presenting things in a way that slows them down, untangles them, and encourages facing the situation with authenticity and humility rather than fear. While it's sad and sometimes devastating, death and illness are a reality. As you suggest, try to shift your perspective—resist making a challenging situation even harder. More importantly, "the best is that a person knows, in the middle of pain, that they weren't forgotten."
I am grateful for opportunities to learn from people like you how to cope with these situations and guide others when they encounter them. Thank you for sharing, Mr. Swanson!
I'll offer you grace, too. In the moment, early in life, you did what you could. And the now you (and us as we listen), can learn how to respond differently. Thanks Liz!
Nearly 20 years ago I ended up in the hospital for a week with pancreatitis and got my gallbladder removed. Had very few visitors that I remember but a friend of mine came by while I was sleeping and saw me and spoke with my wife. Hearing about this changed my perspective about visiting others in the hospital.
Too often people avoid visiting, or the opposite, they visit and overstay their welcome. I've made it a point to simply show up, access the situation, let the person(s) know I care about them and will pray for them and the medical team's wisdom and then leave. That alone can have an impact.
Like the story of the two friends you shared, I visited an old friend I had not seen in decades. He was at Lutheran and had his leg amputated to save his life due to diabetes complications, etc. It was good to see him and his wife. With social media, we can stay in touch, but taking the time for an in-person visit is beneficial for both the patient and the visitor.
Thanks Scott. As always, I appreciate the way you think of the value of showing up without lingering and of the significance for us as visitors. Thank you.
Any thoughts about what to do if the person you visit is sleeping when you arrive? That has happened on several occasions with friends near death. My mom worked in a senior health community for many years and encouraged me to wake them - that they would be glad to know I am there (as that is what she experienced working with residents in nursing care units.) But that feels disruptive to me. What thoughts do you have on that from your perspective as a chaplain and as a person?
Hi Lauren-
That's such a good question. Because it invites us to think about who the visit is for, the person, the family, myself, some other sense of obligation.
1. As a chaplain, responding to a request for a visit, I will seldom awaken someone because sleep in a hospital is precious. And I know that there are others who can respond to the request later.
2. I am comfortable with sitting quietly in a room with someone in case they awaken. I don't have to have them see me for the visit to "count". Being present, praying, has meaning. And if they surface, you are there. (Though don't be six inches away from their face).
3. As I think about your mom's words, I realize that sleep, or as we say, "resting with eyes closed", for the friends you are talking about isn't like the sleep of a toddler, where if you wake them up they will stay awake for another several hours. In the case of your friends, rousing them will help them surface for a bit, and then they will sleep again.
Does this make sense?
I think so - thanks for walking through the different thoughts.
Unfortunately, I didn't visit. I'll offer myself some grace as I was a teenager, but it still tugs at my heart as the person who was ill was very dear to me. After she relocated to hospice, I didn't visit, and she lived for three more days. As you mentioned, we often create unnecessary worries in our minds. I let MY discomfort grow out of proportion. You have a gift for presenting things in a way that slows them down, untangles them, and encourages facing the situation with authenticity and humility rather than fear. While it's sad and sometimes devastating, death and illness are a reality. As you suggest, try to shift your perspective—resist making a challenging situation even harder. More importantly, "the best is that a person knows, in the middle of pain, that they weren't forgotten."
I am grateful for opportunities to learn from people like you how to cope with these situations and guide others when they encounter them. Thank you for sharing, Mr. Swanson!
I'll offer you grace, too. In the moment, early in life, you did what you could. And the now you (and us as we listen), can learn how to respond differently. Thanks Liz!